I just wanna be a woman, but it ain't easy...

KONYA- Turkey. When I presented the views of a feminist who held the headscarf is a symbol of patriarchy and a violation of human rights, a classmate of mine gracefully suggested I "buy myself a brain."

(NB- I made sure to add it to my shopping list... still on the lookout)

After spending a weekend with more than a hundred headscarf-wearing women, I saw the other perspective, or shall I say perspectives.

(Adding a dollop of cheese: I came to the "Women's Meeting" with some fears and questions, but left with 100 sisters. I can hear the squeals of dismay- why look, she is just trying to be politically-correct on that picture! What a show!)

No matter how open you try to be, I think it is very hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has strong faith when you yourself do not have the same degree of belief. (I tried, I came as close as I think I can.)

But I developed much empathy for a girl who snuck into school at 6 am before the police came to order students to take the scarf off. Or for a woman who shaved her head, and countless ones who quit their jobs because their faith was more important to them.

It would be easy to ask- why don't you just take it off for a few hours, for a little bit? But you cannot. One woman told me: if you believe, you believe and you can't question what God asks you to do.

It is not much of a stretch to say that for a woman who wear the scarf, taking it off is almost like for a non-headscarf-wearing woman to be told to uncover her chest. (I can hear the cries of opposition and grumbling... but that is the closest comparison I can make at this point to illustrate what these women told me.)


Regardless-

When I mentioned this empathy to a self-proclaimed secular woman, I came under fire. How could I possibly think like that? I should feel sorry for her, she told me, because she is afraid Turkey will become like Iran or Saudi Arabia. Women who wear the scarf are "the enemy of secular women like me," she said. She has no respect for her PM, her president and his covered wife, she said.

"Turkey is a secular country, with a secular government, and that's how it will stay," she said.

I was told that America and the West think everyone should be free to wear what they want- but in Turkey it's more complicated. So I should look at this issue from the "right perspective." Which is???

If looks could kill, I wouldn't be here to write this note.

Whatever you think about the HS here, you will find someone who doesn't like what you think. After a few weeks in Turkey, I think I understand the issue a little bit better.

My partial conclusion? It's too bad it divides women into the "covered" category and the "uncovered" one. The resulting political debate turns women into objects, creatures people criticize and think they can decide for. It's too bad it turns the attention away from other fundamental issues, like violence against women, or the quality of education or of the health care system. Oh, if we could just live and let live!

And I, sadly, by writing this note, am contributing to this categorization of women, to my dismay.

(Maybe I can make up for it in further writing...)

One woman told me: I am not a headscarf- I am a woman. And all of us are different.

Yet from the looks of the debate, commentary in the press and people's attitude, this piece of fabric will stay on the central stage for a long time...


CODA: After all these experiences, I have come to believe it is easy to sit in your ivory tower- of course, reading your dose of media to be "informed" - watch customs you are not used to from far away, and have an opinion about it all. Without talking to the people who are actually involved in the issue at stake.

It is much harder to come out and try to understand the customs without feeling threatened. But also a lot more rewarding.

For me, and ideal world would be one where women could wear what they feel good in. Where they wouldn't feel they have to protect themselves from male violence or stares, whether that implies covering your head of avoiding certain places. A world where my (potentially future) daughters could feel safe anywhere, regardless of their attire. And a world where women- and humans- are not divided into politically-motivated categories (which doesn't make me a Marxist).

That's just the beginning. Ahhh, utopias...